KEROSENE BEARS HAVE FUN

Unfortunately, I’ve never belonged to a close knit youth group. Alas, I don’t know how I came out so well considering the circumstances! But I have visited many youth groups and known many youth pastors in my growing up in the bible belt. Here are some things I observed a Youth Pastor must absolutely have:

• Cargo Shorts (the more pockets the better).
• Sandals (it was flip flops back in my day, but I’m sure it’s Chacos now).
• Goatee and frosted tips that portrays your extreme love of Christ.
• A “Clever Christian Phrase Made Surprisingly Relevant to Today’s Youth” T-shirt or you know… just one from last year’s Passion Conference. Overdone graphics with irony and subtle Biblical references are a must.
• Typically Overweight: teens love fat people because it comforts their insecurities and provides a topic of endless self-deprecating humor that can be utilized by the Youth Pastor. The weight issues are often from drinking too much beer in college, which is a great boost to their edgy testimony.
• Likes Shane & Shane, Casting Crowns, and any of those bands that utilize vocals much the same way you would utilize a toilet while dramatically constipated (i.e. straining to feign emotion).
• Says “guys”, “ya know”, “crap” (and other softcore cursewords), “just”, and other casual words or phrases as much as possible not only in conversation and teaching, but also in prayers. There’s nothing cooler and more genuine than someone who talks to the Almighty God of the universe like He’s you’re drinking buddy, or your middle school lab partner.
• Can you feign emotion to the point of actual tears when presenting today’s relevant lesson? this some time will be necessary when talking about your fatness and how people use to judge you for it in High School… but you’re now totally comfortable with it and even make jokes about it constantly to emphasize your comfortability.
• Must have a wild and crazy past that you have since reverted from so that you can relate to the “lost” kids and the “found” ones just as well… or you know, just be fat.

If you are a youth pastor and you’re looking for some relevant names to call your youth group. Try this site: www.youthpastor.com

It seems in recent years, the badge that Christian bands once wore proudly, is now hastily being swept under the rug. That is to say, your favorite Christian band doesn’t want to be your favorite “Christian” band… just favorite band in general. It’s only recently that the Christian music industry became savvy enough to stop marketing Jesus, and instead, start marketing values and morals. Thus, the popular idea of a Christian band (who only had a particular demographic) died and the even-more popular idea of “Christians who just so happen to be in a band” thrived (allowing a much broader audience). The situation is win-win for Christians and Capitalists alike. Bigger audience means more gospel sharing… and even more importantly, more money.

I attribute this awakening to a few particular “crossover” artists who represent very different approaches:

First, you have the “machismo” bands which has its roots in such bands as Creed, P.O.D., and other bands of the adrenaline-pumping, jock-loving like. Even though, in my opinion, these are some of the worst bands in the history of pop music, Machismo bands are still very much alive and kicking. Grant you, most of these bands are not Christian (Nickelback, Three Doors Down, Hinder) but some still are (Evanescence). Honestly, the start of this whole approach to music really roots back to Pearl Jam, but Creed added the Christian element and made it marketable.

Second, “Relevant Bands” are bands that appeal to the new, trendy, open-minded Christians. Here’s your demographic, Donald Miller! These band typically trade in obvious signals that may give away their faith, and instead focus on emotions and uplifting lyrics. Here you will find The Fray, Mute Math, Switchfoot, Reliant K, and any other band that sounds like Coldplay in some wayward form or another. Honestly, I thank these type of bands for keeping the Machismo bands alive. If this is the only type of music I could listen (and in the bible belt, this is so often to case) to then I would listen music meant for MEN WITH BALLS too. For the official rag of the “relevant movement” click here.

Thirdly, I’m not even sure if this is necessarily a brand of “crossover artist” but instead, a sign of the times. I call these the “I’m not even trying to pretend” crossover artist. In this category you will find Casting Crowns, Mercy Me and the random Christian artist who had their minute in the secular spotlight. Their songs are obviously (and some times painfully) about Jesus. No reason to cover it up because they really aren’t worried about reaching the mainstream demographic when the one they have is so prosperous already. Why do these bands become popular out of the Christian context? I really have no idea why that Mercy Me song “I can only imagine” ever became popular in the Adult Contemporary world. It’s really just more of a sign of how failing pop music is today.

Yet again, I know I’m being too negative here and anyone who actually likes any of these bands probably think I’m a pretentious asshole and deservingly so. I will say, that not all of these bands are horrible… but most of them are. There is one more brand of crossover artist though:

Ladies and Gents, this is Christian Indie! This is kind of a genre umbrella and actually encompasses a lot of different styles and approaches. You have the very successful Sufjan Stevens with his own particular style of acoustic/folk music. I’m surprised to see how popular he has become but at the same time I’m not. He’s good enough to please the music snobs, emotional enough to please the “relevant crowd” and ambiguous enough to please the gay Christians… yes, I said it. Danielson Famile and everything associated with them (Yes, Sufjan is in that category too) is also in this genre.

But with the good side of Christian indie, comes the hardcore/emo side too. I really don’t know if this exists outside of the bible belt… but inside the belt, nothing unites the secular and Christian world like a good moshing at a Norma Jean show. Honestly, even though it is not my cup of tea, I don’t know if this is bad music. I don’t personally find it enjoyable but I’ll take this over the “Relevant” movement or P.O.D. any day because it doesn’t seem to pander it’s audience… but I could be wrong. This is a genre my fellow Kerosene Bear, Ben, could answer better than I.

Consider this entry as a reference point to the rest of the “Explorations in Christian Pop-Culture” posts. These odd intersections where the secular world and Christian world meet, if not good music (and it usually isn’t), is at least a fascinating spectacle on pop-culture in general.

I was privileged (read: burdened) as a child to grow up in such a dominant subculture… one so powerful, there really wasn’t anything “sub” about it. I’m told there still are some parts of America untouched by the long hand of mega-churches, youth group extravaganzas and dare I say it, Contemporary Christian Music. I have a hard time believing that these places remain shielded from such an abrasive cultural group because even the most basic of cable televisions cannot hide from the most relentless of televangelists.

I’m not bitter. I’m ashamed.

Not because of my faith. I have grown up with Jesus and still pursue him every waking hour but the culture associated with my Lord and Savior has continuously been a source of embarrassment. I do not say this with contempt or notions of malice… but actual embarrassment similar to that of a adolescent and his goofy father. All of those times where Christianity has been accurately “mis”-represented in America sits as a testament of the many imperfections of my religion of choice.

Perhaps, I’m making this too heavy for a blog. I’m not trying to talk politics here, I’m just trying to reconcile where my culture and my subculture awkwardly collide in the most ugly of ways… and the most entertaining of ways to tackle such a subject is to look at the “happy-go-lucky” world of pop-culture.

I’m going to call it “Explorations in Christian Pop-Culture” in an attempt to explain, confess and understand my subcultures embarrassing, but sometimes triumphant, forays into making neighbors with secular culture and why most of the time, it just tries to pull down the blinds and hide.

I’ll look at everything from Michael W. Smith to Petra to Passion Worship Music to Skateboard Ministries. This isn’t theology, this isn’t politics, this is pop-culture… the only thing I feel qualified to write about.